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markarayner

Dilettante

A cursory and curious listing of books and literatrivia. 

9 signs you’ve been watching too many horror movies

The Shining 

  1. You freak out whenever someone plays the top notes on the piano keyboard.
  2. You refuse to say: “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
  3. You are with an extremely hot person of the opposite sex, who wants to gratify your most depraved urges. Yet, you say no. No way. Everyone knows if you have sex, you die.
  4. You cannot answer the phone. Particularly at night.
  5. You’re in the grocery store. Your spouse wants to separate to get the shopping done faster. Un uh. That’s almost as bad as having sex.
  6. You start wearing rear-view mirrors.
  7. Your briefcase is filled with garlic, wolvesbane, silver bullets, wooden stakes, crosses, holy water and the report that you didn’t get done because you were too busy catching up on your Necronomicon reading.
  8. You have a video of yourself apologizing to everyone’s mother for getting them killed.
  9. On Halloween you bury all the kitchen knives in the backyard.

 

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